Help Wanted: Pitching

At the beginning of this Brewers season we were all sold on the false pretense that this pitching staff was going to get the job done and lead this team to another playoff birth, but instead they have all failed and underperformed horrendously and with pitching in our farm system dryer than the Sahara there is no oasis in sight.
It is an absolute given that pitching should be the number one priority this off-season, and unless Doug Melvin is too busy hiding under Mark Attanasio’s desk, I pray to God that we don’t enter next year with the same rotation. Keep Gallardo, keep Bush, and scrap the rest. Parra has got talent but can’t stop pouting long enough to be consistent. Looper may have some value after having a decent year or keep him as a number 5 starter. You can try to package Soup, but literally nobody will want him with his bloated contract and softball curveball he places right down the middle to get crushed and end up in some guy’s den. Even though our staff sucked, looking at it there is very little flexibility. They need an ace or a pitcher with ace stuff to stabilize the front of the rotation and give them more than 5 2/3 innings of 3 or 4 run baseball. The bullpen was decent before being overworked like children in sweatshops but if they could add another solid arm they would be solid. Stetter had a great year and I look forward to him coming back and having another dominant year from the left side.
So how to get pitching? All we have to look at is first base. We have the 2nd best overall hitter in the National league waddling around out there. He won’t want to be here in two years anyway, and his trade value is at its peak and they could possibly move him for a starting pitcher. In this scenario I look towards Boston. They have solid pitching and a has been DH in the middle of there lineup. Fielder would thrive in the DH position. He doesn’t want to have run his sloppy body all the way to first base every half inning. He would much rather watch the real athletes play while he pounds tofu hot dogs and meat flavored protein shakes and get to take hacks at the Pesky Pole every other inning. For the Brewers, take the hole at third base that is Mat Gamel and move him to first where all he has to do is catch the ball. No throwing. In return the Brewers may get a starter (Bucholz or Beckett preferably).
At second I say resign Felipe Lopez. Yea he is lazy, but I would rather have a lazy player who may not run out every ground ball who bats .300 with a OBP of .360-.400 than someone who tries really hard and bats .255 with OBP of .256. Sorry hustlers, talent always wins.
At shortstop it is simple. JJ “gives me a” Hardy keeps hot women in the crowds at Miller Park. That means many more girls, which in turn leads to many more creepy men, which keeps the attendance up at Miller Park. Escobar looks like horse and even though he is a talented horse, if the Brewers trot Mr. Ed out there everyday there will be a decrease in attendance, and more importantly, hot women filling Miller Park. In all actuality Secretariat is a very talented shortstop and his trade value is very high, so we could get more pitching in return. Hardy had a very down year, but if placed in the 2 hole where he is comfortable I believe he can return to his career numbers of .280 and 20 home runs.
At third we have to see McGehee. He makes errors, but is a solid hitter for average and power. We can’t continue to run the geriatric all-star Craig Counsell out there everyday. He is best suited for the bench role and fill in when needed, but Mcgehee gives the best chance to win if he plays everyday.
Speaking of geriatric, why is Kendall still playing everyday? I don’t know if he is more worried about winning games and calling good games or if his AARP subscription is going to run out. He has had an awful year, while his backup (Rivera) has put up solid numbers. Give Rivera the starts next year and use Kendall as a fill in once a week. I just wish Medicare would cover sickly batting averages.
Outfield, keep Braun in left. His skills in left are increasing and he will be a gold glove someday. He is the leader and he is the player we should build around. Keep Hart in right. I know he had a down year but he has had solid numbers since his return from injury and he brings some intangibles the Brewers need. Move Pretty Rickie to center. He was having a solid year before being hurt, so by moving him to center you can use his speed, he doesn’t have to field ground balls, and he doesn’t have to lead off. All three positives. I would also see if we could somehow undo the Gerut-Gwynn trade for a back up outfielder.
This off-season will determine the future for the Brewers for many players, coaches, managers and the fan-base. They better make some drastic moves because if they come into next year with the same weak rotation and similar roster they will be DOA. THAT’S HOW I FEEL!